Finally back from the Big Apple, and still jet lagged as hell. Phew, and a big one at that, but the all in all the trip was good! Once in a lifetime kinda thing. I think if there was something I got back from this experience was that, I shouldn’t take things for granted. In everything, be it family, friends or even public transport I am truly blessed and I need to learn to appreciate them/it. Oh that, and the fact that 12 days is an especially long time to be away from loved ones…
Anyway. Went the J’s house to cook brunch and I thought we did a fairly good job doing so. Well, mostly me anyway hahaha but she did flip some pancakes.. Proceeded to bring her ahgong to the polyclinic and he and his wife were so adorable! Must have been married for very long as well; something I call growing old gracefully. But I thoroughly enjoyed doing this service(?), because it was a new experience for me- one that was fulfilling as well as meaningful. And it made me wonder how my ahgongs would have been if they were still alive… Ohwell~
Over the past few days we’ve hit a rough patch. Now, this isn’t some major argument per se but as with everything I think we should take a step back and reflect. Let me just say that we’ll undoubtedly come out of this much stronger than before, as long as we keep our heads straight and hearts together. I’ve promised that this would be the last that I’d pursue this matter, as long as your heart is with me. Let me elaborate a little here:
I’ve told you that I’m more or less irascible, and I hope that you forgive me for that. On top of that, I’m extremely sensitive which.. Might or might not be a bad thing. Over the past few days, I’ve learnt many things- treauring every single minute with you, not being so childish and immature, etc. - and although I’m still at this learning stage, I’ve come to realize that I’m really deeply and madly in love with you. I’m not lying when I say there are so many things I’ve yet to find out about you, and vice versa, about our nuances and idiosyncrasies, and it’s definitely a learning process which might be difficult to get used to. I hope you’re with me here, and though I say it’s difficult, it is necessary and I’m sure we can get through it together as we always have. Who knows, it might be an enjoyable development after all.
The important thing is, I’m just so in love with you, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Regarding the issue at hand, as you know by now that my worry in borne out of love for you my dear and I hope you don’t misunderstand me. I might be harsh at times and I ask for your forgiveness again, but I genuinely care for you- always have and always will. And as long as I have your word that you are trying to reciprocate these actions, frankly that’s enough for me, but remember, no empty promises here. I don’t want anymore stupid arguments that are just so detrimental to us anymore. I mean, we have such a long future ahead of us and this is just… Insignificant!
And now I know you’re thinking about my previous r/s, and if I can be honest with you, it just wasn’t what I was looking for. We were not open with each other, and I felt that I had to put on such a huge pretense in front of her and everybody. I knew we wouldn’t work out anyway. But with you it’s so much different my dear, for the first time I feel so comfortable in my own skin, something that even my family could not provide. For the first time I can bare my soul to someone, and not feel ashamed. For the first time I can be myself. And I know, I know that we will last. And just so you know, I’ve never regretted asking you to be mine, not for a second. So please don’t think any other way, alright? I love you with everything I have and everything I am.
Promise me something, alright? Yea it might seem too idealistic right now but, promise me that you’ll love me no matter what comes our way. If you have done that, I want you now to smile like an idiot to your screen ^^ hahaha.
On a lighter note, yesterday was good. Woke up to a hearty breakfast, followed by a jet-ski session which was fun (: chartered a boat out to st.kitts, and snorkeled. Almost died but the view above and below the Caribbean was stunning. We caught the sunset and it was exhilarating. The only regret I have was that you weren’t with me to enjoy the moment. Oh and the captain was really friendly, Steve and his wife Irene and had a great chat with them. Btw Steve looks like Chuck Norris haha. Okay pictures will be up soon, heh.
I really love you and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know recently we’ve been arguing, over the smallest things. I guess it happens but it cannot go on. Like I said, it’s easy to blame each other but we should talk it out and clear things by the end of the day, which, I’m glad we do. But let me rationalize here, I guess the root of the problem is that I’m becoming a little too possessive, I admit. And I’m really working to be more mature and sensible. It aggravates when I’m away from you for long periods of time because I miss you so much. If I’ve hurt you or made you upset I’m sorry :/ baby our r/s needs sacrifices as well, and we must be willing to do so. ‘Give and take’, is really apt here- think of it as a one way street and we must give way, alright? Bottom-line is, I love you and no matter how you push me away I’m here for you. And I promise not to let you cry; the only ‘what if’ that I can see is a long future ahead of us. And I promise to be there for you whenever you need, just a text or call away.
And btw, you can call me yours cause I’d have no one else (:
Trip has been awesome so far; really taking in the sights and sounds of the big apple and Caribbean. Though, both are starkly different by nature- one a bustling metropolis and the other a resort with a stunning view. In any case I am enjoying life (:
Ahh but I miss j so much! Can’t wait to get back to see her (: if you’re reading this, ily ^^
I’m sitting here, thinking about tomorrow- what will be like? What will I get? Where do I go if I don’t do well?
And I’m waiting, waiting for the assurance from up there, that everything will be okay, His plans are still transcendent. But…. I don’t get it. Why? Is it because I’ve sinned? Is it because I’m so far away from Him? Is it because I don’t trust in His “plans to prosper you(me)? Or maybe I’m just ignorant. I don’t know. But I’ll trust with all that I can because I know that the end of the day, He controls my future. And even if I pay lip service, I keep telling myself that everything I am is in Him.